A Little Talk With My Inner Self

Today, the school invited a shrink for us teachers. Later on, the shrink advised me not to be too hard on myself. I think she really got me there. Though I hate to admit it, I did pay a lot of attention to what the surroundings been saying lately. All of those" supposed-to-be-funny" jokes about my physical appearances really started to take over my confidence. You know how it is, when it gets too much, it really isn't funny anymore.

Truth is, I gained lots of weight over the years. I used to wear a twenty-seven. Now, I barely even close to size twenty-nine. Shitty, but I didn't really mind the changes. Well, as long as I am healthy therefore I am happy. At least, I thought so. 

There is too much pressure though. My surroundings kept on nagging as if I am that big. Some calling me names which once again, supposed-to-be-funny. And, lately, it got to the point where I had enough of it. I hate myself. I hate my body. I hate the way I look. I hate it all.

It was also hard when technology keeps helping me not to be satisfied with myself. It was like seducing me to do this, do that, reduce this, more of that. I barely had a selfie which I didn't re-touch and gave a whole new look. I hated it. Really. It was upsetting and disturbing. Even worst, the surroundings kept on going, nagging, mocking, repeating, brainwashing.

Then, I just had enough. Couldn't take it any longer. So, I was having a little talk with my inner self. Asking questions like: 

"Am I that big?" 
"Am I that chubby?" 
"Seriously, am I really really ugly?"

Then again, after some thinking and re-thinking, I came up with a decision. I need to stop listening to my surroundings. I just shut it out. Leave it out. Just hang out with people I know best and know me best. That way, I should be happier, shouldn't I?